A Day in the Life of Dante
by Angelius Cullen
Summary: Series of comical One shots about the normal activities of our favorite Demon Slayer.


My December

Payback's a Bitch

"Hey little dude how bout some ice cream on your big day"

"Yes...but NO SPRINKLES. For every sprinkle I find...I will kill you"

"HAHAHAHAHA..." Laughed the devil slayer as he slopped cereal all over himself. "God your a pig" said a beautiful blond haired woman sitting on a desk. "Com'on Trish, lightin up the baby's fuckin hilarious." Said the second born son of Sparda. He cleaned up the cereal mess and changing the channel to the 10'oclock news. He whistled the theme song to Family Guy as he washed his bowl in the make shift kitchen and returned to the office to speak with Trish.

"Whoa nice neckless." Dante said noticing a large Topaz pendant on a diamond encrusted neckless Trish toyed with around her neck. "How'd you pay for that one?" he asked. "Oh I've been saving and Nero's been paying me to help with the Fortuna clean up crew" she said pointing at several Scarecrow limbs and a severed Basilisk head. Dante merely grinned and went to his usual seat at his desk.

As soon as Dante's bottom touched the seat of his chair several rather large bullets came barrelling through the large front door and right towards his face. Luckily Ivory rested on the desktop and with Dante's help sent one round hurling toward the others. The lead bullet connected with Ivory's and was sent richochetting into another bullet which in turn did the same, eventually off-setting the entire barrage.

"You better run she usually waits to shoot you" Trish said casually as she sat lazily on Dante's desk admire his picture of his mother Eva as well as the one of herself behind it.

"Good idea" Dante said as he attempted to place Ivory into the back of his pants. At that very moment the front door was ripped apart by a large missle aimed straight at Dante's heart. As quick as a crimson bolt of lighting the raging missle was split by the blade of a hungry steel beast by the name of Rebellion.

"She's really pissed" Trish said.

"I guess its just that time of the month. See that's why I like you demons don't have cycles." He said with a grin and a wink.

"RUN BEFORE SHE DESTROYS THE REST OF THE SHOP YOU JERK" Trish roared.

"Oh..." Dante turned his head back and forth before adding "...yea" and he darted out into the night beyond.

She waited for him outside. As soon as his silver hair caught the moonlight she released about thirty or so rounds in his direction, which he deflected with a bit of help from Ebony and Ivory. When she took Katrina Ann from her back and took aim Dante he dodge the oncoming missle being the Trickster that he is and took refuge behind a nearby mini van.

"Show your face you coward" the dark haired assailant called using her blue eye to watch for Dante and her brown one to take aim with her missle launcher.

"Hey Lady, I knew you were jealous of Trish and me but I didn't know you were one of those 'if I can't have him no one can' types" Dante shouted from behind the van. Which exploded a few seconds later sending the crimson flame we call Dante twirling through open air avoiding Lady's gunfire.

"What the hell's your problem Lady." he shouted over the roar of Katrina Ann's rockets and their collision with Rebellion.

"You know what I want Dante hand it over you ASS." She shouted. Dante danced his way up to Lady just to be met with the large barrel of Lady's rocket launcher. She held her fire because she stared at Dante between the still smoking barrels of Ebony and Ivory.

"Give me my money Dante" Lady hissed.

"What money do I owe you Lady?" Dante asked.

"You never paid me my cut from that job we took up in France."

"Wait, yes I did I told...Trish...to send it to...you." They both lowered their weapons and pondered this.

MEANWHILE...

Trish sits back in the Devil May Cry office admiring her new neckless. She looks up in fright as the gunfire outside stopped.

"TRISH!!" a chorus of both Lady and Dante roared from outside the office.

"Uh oh" Trish whispered.


End file.
